Christmas is coming, apparently. Until last Saturday this was a fact I had largely managed to ignore. It’s a pretty easy feat to accomplish. I don’t watch TV very often and as such I’m not subjected to the constant reminders that the most commercial of religious days is almost here. I work in an office with a sum total of zero sparkly decorations in it and, apart from the odd well-wisher saying “Happy Christmas” to me or someone within my immediate ear range, this year’s festive buildup has almost gone entirely unnoticed. Sure, there have been a few Christmas parties but these could just as well have been ordinary, non-Christmas parties.
However, my passive ignorance to Christmas all changed on Saturday due mostly to the efforts of one friend, who took it upon herself to drag me into the spirit. She stepped me into Christmas if you like.
A day later, on Sunday, while I wallowed in my subtle hangover, I started thinking about what really makes up my Christmas and holiday period. More specifically, I started to think about what makes me feel Christmassy. I came to the conclusion that a number of things really need to happen before I’m capable of being festive. Some people may scream “Scrooge” at me at this point and berate my inability to switch on a sufficient level of Christmas charm at the drop of the hat. But despite the odd remark from a few bitter ex-girlfriends, I’m not a machine, I just can’t do it.
So, I hear you ask, what are the results of my musings? What makes pre-Christmas, well, pre-Christmas?
Christmas Music - I seem to struggle to listen to much music these days (God, I sound old). The radio was once a stable in the daily diet that is my life, but sadly that’s no longer the case. A combination of spending more time chained to my office desk and a general waning of enthusiasm for a lot of new music has resulted in the radio becoming a neglected relic in my household. The upshot is I’ve missed the barrage of Christmas classics that traditionally ooze from the wireless. You’ll be pleased to know that last Saturday I Spotified a good Christmas album and got stuck in. It’s staggering how a few cheesy tunes help to get you in the mood. As a sub-category to Christmas music, I absolutely need to hear a bit of Chris Rea and The Pogues. Also if possible, at least one Christmas party needs to end in Frank Sinatra's New York, New York being blasted out. I don’t know why - after all I live and enjoy living in London - but it does.
Christmas Jumpers - These normally come out at the variety of office and personal parties that Christmas generally encourages. Sadly this year the first time I had cause to wear mine was Saturday. The overcrowding of the wacky jumper space has gone someway to cool my desire to don one at any opportunity this year. It was a bit like James Blunt before he was famous. He was kind of fun. Not really fun, but kind of fun. Then it he was overplayed, resulting in a genuine feeling of nausea whenever I see or hear him. It’s the only comparison I can make with Christmas Jumpers. They were fun, but now that the wally brigade are wearing them in force, the shine has somewhat come off the whole thing.
Christmas Films - Just like the music section, there are a few films that can really help to kickstart Christmas spirit. In order of feel-good factor, these are (in my humble opinion):
- It’s a Wonderful Life
- Elf
- Die Hard.
I must confess that for the first time in a long while, Netflix has let me down in regard to these titles; none of the above films are currently available. Die hard 3 was, but this simply does not count as it’s clearly the least Christmasy of all the Die Hards. Now I know Die Hard the original is a fringe choice. Some friends even queried its validity as a Christmas top three entry, or even a Christmas entry at all. To these naysayers let me respond, “Now I have a machine gun, Ho Ho Ho”! I feel More Christmasy already.
Note: For any dullards who believe I may actually own a firearm: I don’t.
Christmas Flings - As a single man, Christmas flings are about as part and parcel as the office Christmas party itself. It’s a disappointing and unfulfilled holiday period if at some stage at least some bodily fluids have not been exchanged. As I said, I’ve found it difficult thus far to get into the spirit, so you can probably deduce that fluids have so far stayed un-exchanged. Despite it being Christmas eve I remain an eternal optimist.
Friends, family, food and drink - Food, drink, friends and family are a necessity for any festive spirit. Now, I’m pleased to say that I’ve succeeded with all four of these in 2014, but given that I generally manage to socialise, eat and drink all year long, this hasn’t been too much of challenge. What I would say is that Christmas is a time for extra socialising, excessive drinking and gluttonous eating. So excess was the drinking and eating last year that my bones still shake just thinking about it. I was so in need of purity that I signed up for a marathon in January. This year I hope the aftermath is less horrific to remember, but who knows.
So to finish the story. Last Saturday I ate lots, drank lots, listened to far too many Christmas ditties and watched the most Christmasy movie available via my limited DVD collection and Netflix - Four Weddings and a Funeral - while wearing a reindeer jumper. I did all of these things with good friends. Despite the shockingly un-Christmasy visual entertainment, it got me in the mood. So on this Christmas Eve, I say to anyone reading this: Yippee ki-yay, motherhuffer! And a happy Christmas to you all.
