Last month, as the inactivity in my love life stretched out for yet another month I contemplated the various misinterpreted romantic gestures that I've both received and given over the years. My mindset was swayed in this general direction by a number of failed forays into the romantic world since the turn of year. When recalling some of these seemingly wonderful ideas and activities one thing struck me as patently obvious. The line between keen, enthusiastic, sweet and romantic and utterly and completely bonkers is often hazy. Put more elegantly - Said lines are often hazed by the nefarious mists of perspective.
As fate would have it around the same time, which was last week in case you’re interested, I watched the film ‘Say Anything. As a fan of John Cusack, primarily because of his awesomeness in one of my favourite novels turned films High Fidelity, it struck a cord. The staggeringly young Mr Cusack plays a hopeless romantic that is after the most popular girl at school. As a hopeless romantic myself I instantly empathized with John’s character. In the film he becomes increasingly out of his depth trying to win the female leads affections and as a result makes a series of sweet but inappropriate comments and actions. As this is a Hollywood film everything ends up working out okay, and the girl he’s after finds it all rather charming and endearing, rather than goofy and alarming. However, mid way through the film John get’s dumped and obviously he’s a little bit peeved about the whole thing. Not to be deterred, and not one for sulking he takes matter into his own hands and tries to get the dumper to take him back. In fact, so resolute is he, that he drives to her house with a ghetto blaster and stands outside it playing ‘their song’ at full volume. What a guy eh, and to give him extra credit it's worth remembering that this was the 1980’s and those ghetto blasters were huge! Talk about putting it out there. As I mention, the lady whose house it is finds it all very lovely, and eventually they fall in love. Great stuff.
My first thoughts about this scene were tragically practical. To begin with I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if someone did this in real life. For example I became concerned about the the size of the sound system. Given my own personal experience of similar sized ghetto blasters or tape players I couldn't help but think about the battery power it took to operate. My opening guess was at least six AAA batteries, but who knows. It may have been more. If John was anything like me at that age he probably had a draw for batteries, which as a concept was pretty stupid. Only almost empty batteries got relegated to my draw and by definition probably shouldn't have ended up in there at all. What a different story it would have been if mid way through the song, the sound had conked out! Game over John my boy.
Secondly, I began to feel a little sorry for the female characters neighbour, and her family who for the record (pun intended) were inside the house at the time. The type of behaviour on display could inadvertently really end up pissing you off. Try and look at it from the outside looking in, and without the context of a romantic comedy. John's basically a hapless, scruffy looking youth inconsiderately playing his music at full volume. I know, I know that's unfair. Especially when we all know he’s really a 1980's romantic comedy legend plugging on the heartstrings of his young love.
Finally, and probably most importantly I realised how different things would have been if John’s young lady friend had not quite felt the same way about him. Picture it - boy holds ghetto blaster up to the girl who has just dumped him. She doesn't like him any more, she never really did, and now, now he just won’t go away. He writes letters, he calls her and finally, after she’s ignored all his advances, all of those things, he turns up and plays that damn song she secretly hates! It’s something of a different story isn't it. John has all of a sudden become the lonely weirdo who won’t take a hint. In his own eye’s nothings changed. He’s still in love. He’s still trying to win the girl over. However, the reality is no matter how good intentioned a gesture is, if the other persons not that interested you’ll likely come out looking needy, desperate or a bit strange.
I have a number of real life examples from my own dating life. I used to made mix tapes and CD’s for girls I liked as ways of expressing myself. Somehow saying something corny through the medium of song never seemed quite so bad. At University I did this a lot. It's probably because the soulful artist with hidden depths thing was pretty big back then. These gifts had varying results. I made the last one when I was about 24 and it aided me to get back with an ex. It was a compilation of songs we both loved. She enjoyed it and appreciated the effort which went into making it. If I was John Cusack it was my Ghetto blaster. Conversely, I once made a mix tape in my first year of University for a girl I quite liked. It was jammed packed full of plinky plonky guitar based love songs. We hadn't known each other for very long and retrospectively looking back the song choices were poor. Unsurprisingly, this didn't have a positive effect. She rapidly withdrew from my friendship group and never really talked with me again. I'm sure she told her friends I came on a bit strong, which I probably did. The truth is though, if she'd liked me it wouldn't have mattered. I've also draw pictures, written and received letters, planned picnics and purchased more scented candles than I’d care to admit to all in the interest of ‘winning’ someone’s affection. My personal favourite gift to receive is a inscribed book. Nothing could be better as far as I’m concerned. It’s something you will, or at least could keep forever, and every time you open it, see it or read it, you’ll see that personalised message and it'll make you smile. On the flip side, if you’re not too fond of that person that book will be ruined forever.
My advice, and you’d be wise to make your own judgement, is to air on the side of caution. Better to be aloof and cool even if it’s misinterpreted as distant rather than crazy and too full on.
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