A couple of weeks ago I wrote a very depressing article on self destruction. Fortunately, I didn’t post it. Combined with the recent election campaigns and the results that followed it would have probably had you running for the kitchen knife with a ‘Harry Carry’ glint in your eye.
Instead of destruction I’ve gone a bit of a different way. I’ve toned things down a little and mixed it up, instead choosing the less ominous topic of ‘letting go’. Now let me clarify right out of the starting gate, I’m referring to the good kind of ‘letting’ go and not the bad kind. Oh, yes dear reader there are two type of ‘letting go’. Probably even more, but definitely two. Firstly, there’s the bad kind of ‘letting go’. This was demonstrated superbly circa 1997 by the lovely Kate Winslet in Titanic. The unfortunate victim of this nefarious first category was the slightly frozen Leonardo Dicapario. I’ll always maintain to this day that when you say the words “I’ll never let go Jack”, you should at least hang on longer than the remainder of the thirty second scene. Or am I just a sentimental, old romantic? Anyway moving away from the un-continuously crap film Titanic and onto the other kind of ‘letting go’. The good kind. The kind that’s prompted this article.
After a busy start to the year working, running and generally being social, things came to a sort of head. When I say a head, I mean a sort of exhausted head. Put less confusingly I hit a brick wall. When I was writing my self destruction article I had a sort of out-of-body moment. You know what I’m talking about. It’s that moment where you see yourself as someone else does, only whilst you’re still you. At that instant I was sat, well slumped, on my sofa trying desperately to write. However, it wasn’t going very well. I was un-glamorously sweating profusely with unbearable shakes because of a fairly over indulgent evening on the sauce and about three hours sleep. I also had a raging fever because of a cold I’d contracted during the week. However, it wasn’t all bad. I had a sympathetic audience to watch my sorry-self gradually unravel - a mug of cold tea, a slightly smelly blanket and Lou Reed who drably invaded my consciousness. Not a great Saturday evening. Nor, may I add, was it particularly reflective of my current way of life pre-hangover. Anyway undeterred by my out of body experience and the horrific shadow of a man I encountered, I pressed on. I finished a little piece of writing, I drank my cold tea and then I fell asleep.
It was only during the week that I started to think about the slightly tragic Saturday. I reflected on that Friday nights fun, the Saturday day time come down, and to be honest the last six months in general which had led to that point. Hangovers don’t tend to stick with me for very long but the enormity of fun I’d had during the evening and gravity of the downer pushed me to ponder things in more detail. For the last few months I’ve been training for a half marathon working at a pretty elevated pace. Now add a bit of writing, reading, museum attending, gallery visiting and general lover of sports and alcohol into that mix and you’ve got all the basic ingredients to burnout. And that’s before you even include potential romantic engagements!
Unsurprisingly, I came to conclusion I was overdoing it a bit. This brings me nicely back on track to the second type of ‘letting go’, the good kind. The ‘letting go’ of the little things. The things you don’t really need, or even truly care about. After all you can’t do everything all the time, no matter how hard you try. As a competitive person I strive to do as much as possible, as do the people around me, and I also try to be the best version of myself. Therefore, the idea of not doing all the things I want to do was one that I didn’t like an awful lot. However, as an aspiring realist what choice do you really have? Spend your days exhausted, constantly trying to do everything, always on the move and continually worried what other people might think of you. Or do what you want to do and enjoy the things you can and want to do? When put in those sterling terms there’s really only one option. Enjoy yourself.
My younger self, the handsome devil that he was, would have disagreed. Youthful and fresh faced he would have probably suggested that the older me, which incidentally is the me, me, was un-ambitious. He would have probably criticised me for giving up, giving up on my dreams. I’m not unambiguous and I’m certainly not giving up on any dreams. However, as I’ve already said I need to add a smidgen of realism to my metaphorical dreamy eyed sandwich. I think that pragmatism is important. It stops you chasing after the things that don’t really matter and are not even vaguely possible. How do you decide what matters? That’s the hardest question and invariable it’s going to differ from person to person. When I really think about what makes me happy it’s not really the things I spend the most time, or effort, on. For instance, for far too long I’ve sweated and worried about the outcome of pre-chosen corporate trajectory. Or in simpler terms, I’ve threat and toiled over my job. In the grand scale of things it’s really not that important. I like my job and am happy to do it to the best of my ability, but you have to query whether the late stays and the extra hours are really worth it? If I’m honest they’re probably not. Especially not when you consider, the birthdays, the family events and the dates I’ve missed or been late to because of it. I’m not suggesting you sack off your job and live off the land, but when you consider the effort you divert into something you profit so little from it’s a little perverse. Simultaneously, if you then also consider what would actually happen if you did leave your job then maybe sacking it off and living off the land isn’t such a ridiculous idea? Anyway tangent, aside perspective is essential and if the younger me doesn’t like it, well, he can do one!
Another example of knowing when to let go is when your aspirations and talent don’t quite align. I talk about this particular subject with great experience. As an avid dreamer and let’s face it a hopeless romantic, I’m constantly afloat with grand ideas and shockingly low levels of actual aptitude. Believe me, as endearing as enthusiasm is it will only get you so far. For example, I know that despite my desire, it’s pretty obvious that I’ll never win Wimbledon or be given a professional football contract. Is it un-ambitious to write those objectives off my hit list? Of course not, it’s just a fact of life. Even if I was mesmerizingly good at either football or tennis, which for the record I’m not, no one over the age of thirty has ever won Wimbledon and although there is a first time for everything it’s unlikely to come from this direction.
So what then? Once you’ve discarded the shackles of work and the unrealistic pipedreams? Well, then you’re left with the good stuff. Well at least in my case you are. You’re left with your friends and family. You’re left with your passions and your hobbies. You’re still left with your dreams as well, but the ones you may actually achieve. Like getting married, gaining a PHD, traveling the world, owning a London town house (this one’s a borderline pipedream) or writing a successful blog.
The key to making all these things work is 'letting go’ of the utter bollocks. It’s not just about re-prioritising; it’s also about not giving yourself such a hard time, all the time. As I’ve already explained, you can’t do everything so why not loosen up a little and do what you love.
Now then, isn’t that a tad more uplifting than self destruction!
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